Tiny Freewrite

So, fair warning, this post is depressing. Like, very. Like, I might as well slap "Trigger Warning" on the front if you're a particularly sensitive, easily-depressed person. Written Thursday, before the whole ... dog ... thing.

 

Purse-sized notebook is pretty cool

Writing smaller to fill full quantity of content.

Talking and thinking is becoming garbled.

Multiple Monsters, can't recommend.

Sleepy. So sleepy. Terribly sleepy.
CAFFEINE IS GREAT.

I feel sometimes like this whole blog is one long ode to sanity slippage.
Then again, aren't all blogs that even so much as mention the Slender Man a bit like that?

Planning to buy Droid for self for Valentine's Day. No male/female/inanimate object to serenade, and getting paid.

Valentine's day: Because FUCK single people am I right?
w
aita
sec
I'M
SINGLE

Thinking about selling off old computer since it's never used.

Destroy she said   THE END
   My love again     WILL
Don't try again      COME
   to make amends  QUICKLY
  (A boat)              YOU'LL JUST
   (I'm on one)        END UP Sinking
If you explode in aftermath
Don't think that you've
DESTROY    been Dreaming
she said    My love again
When it's not worth keeping

TVTROPES
WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE. Seems like a lot of people learn about Slendy via TVTropes. So is it TVTropes will END your life? Whoops.

tinyurl for tiny text. I don't ever use the full link, and since you're here, probably you knew that, huh? ( X )

Google has become a verb. It's like using a band-aid. Technically it's a bandage, but eh. Some wacky foreigners call it a "plaster," too. I think mostly Brit

GAH LIGHT VERY BRIGHT
I mentioned that I'm a very boring person who mostly stays home right? Sunshine is shiny. It's dark in my house. Like a CAVE inside. I'm a very nocturnal person too, seriously. Before I started my job I was going to bed at 8 AM.

Otterbox cases are apparently BOMB-proof. Run it over, drop it in the toilet, hit it with a hammer, and the phone still works. I just wow.

Twitter being faster on my phone is kind of sad to me. The computer in my hand is nice. Want the Droid.

I kind of like this wonky line in the middle here.

Technical support with people who should never have a cell phone, much less a smartphone. FUN.

I suck at everything and I'm stupid and I should just die.

Phone trees are cyborgs. They're made partly of people, partly of machinery. PHONE TREES will kill the world.

Rolling words in my head. I don't think there's even a Bluff around here at all. This place is kind of flat. Maybe they're referring to bluff as in the horrible lies sense. With a high enough bluff check you can pretty much rewrite reality. LOLOL.

Everyone makes stupid mistakes. IF I'm so smart then I Shouldn't. EVER.
My god you're such a whiny fucking BITCH Should just DIE. Fuckfuckfuck. Suck at everything.

Probably shouldn't post this.

DUMB BITCH. =(

Unlikable loser. Only thing worse than a know-it-all is a stupid know-it-all who's a fucking idiot.

Hahahahaha. "Nightly ritual of bitching about how everybody but me and my healer are incompetent." That assumes I'M not incompetent. I suck just as much if not more. 


I'm my own worst enemy
DON'T LET ME GET ME
It's bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating 
DON'T WANNA BE MY FRIEND NO MORE
I wanna be somebody else.


ALL
I do is bitch and whine, bitch and whine. How can anybody stand me?
Shut up.


My brain is so empty the thoughts are falling out. I think I hate myself. I really do.

Feeling queasy. Didn't sleep enough.     FUCKING
Depressed and STUPID I'm such a       IDIOT                                              ANY
Like a black cloud in my head that I can't begin to penetrate. Like I'm good for THING. 

Had a weird-ass dream this morning. Two actually. First one I thought I was waking up and then my door opened. A grayscale clown tried to shove his way into my room, and he succeeded, but I smashed the door on him a few times, then hit him a lot with my sword (it has a wooden sheath so I just use it like a club). And he kept laughing. I got the impression I managed to shut out something worse though.

The other dream was just as weird. I was laying on the ground in the underbrush of a forest. I saw two pictures in front of me, only they weren't photos, they were like five-second videos on some kind of clear plastic substance. The pictures - was it two or three? - were of little boys I'd never seen before. When I reached out to look at them (there wasn't any clothing, but it was a bust shot every time) a shadow fell over me and I just knew it was the Slender Man. Worse: NO AUDIO.

Felt like I lurched sideways out of my body just now. Feeling dizzy and disoriented, eyes are watering, what the hell.

Sam

UPDATE: MWF this week. Don't think I can manage more.

Ah hell, I lay odds I'm gonna be crying by the end of this.

So, anybody who can scroll down the page and see my twitter feed will probably already know this. Kind of. So here's the somewhat less abridged version.

Sam was never really my dog, you know? He's a little toy poodle, purebred, not like it matters since the first thing Grandma did when she got him was cut off the breeding bits (with a vet's assistance but still). He had a bunch of genetic problems - his teeth were messed up, his knees were messed up, his heart was failing him for the last five years of his life. Which, see, is why inbreeding is a bad thing, purity or not.

But yeah. So, initially, he belonged to Grandma, and she took care of him, I guess, at least until she passed away from liver cancer. I miss Grandma sometimes, but it's finally distant enough it doesn't hurt so badly anymore.

Then, my Great-Grand-Uncle (I think?) Tom inherited him. We always called the old man Uncle Tom, which come to think of it is part of the name of a book, right? They were basically inseparable, right up until he, too, died - from pneumonia and old age. There's a little bit of a pattern here.

Grandpa took care of him from then on. There's this old recliner in our house, and I've got all kinds of memories of Grandpa sitting in it, learning computers and watching television, whatever. He retired, and less than a year after that, we found out he had lung cancer. A couple of years after that, and he's just gone.

Two days before Sam died, I saw him just -staring- at that recliner, the one that sits empty most of the time anymore. Sam used to sit in it with him, you see.

And now Sam's gone, too.

We couldn't even bury him properly, because of all the snow. We'll do it, yeah, after the ground thaws out, but still.

I was never really all that close to him.

The house seems so much more empty now that the last of the pets have gone.

Fable III: A Ruler Reflects

Game Review! HERE THERE BE SPOILERS!

I finally beat Fable III, and I am not ashamed to admit I cried.

Let me first explain why it took me so long to beat the game: I got spoiler'd about halfway through my first playthrough that I would need 9,000,000 gold in order to get the perfect ending, so shortly before I was going to head to Aurora, I stopped actually playing so much as just sitting in town accumulating money.

And that worked well enough, I guess. I did get the perfect ending.

But some of the plot-events, even if you're a good character and working to save everyone are ... touching, we'll go with touching.

Firstly, since I had somewhere toward eleven million gold, it actually made me giggle to kick Reaver in the balls with my enormous personal wealth, every time he proposed something eeeeeeeeeeeeeviiiil and I rejected it out of hand. Well no, I didn't reject it out of hand, I very pointedly waited until he was done speaking, holding down the "A" button all the while because I wasn't even considering evilness. Trampling Reaver's dreams because I just did not need him made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I also get the impression that the Princess/Queen's forays into the Road to Rule are representative of a psychotic break with reality. I say this mostly because of the last one's appearance on your anniversary, when you've got an incredibly boring day set up for your itinerary, when suddenly, you get whisked away to the end of the world. Maybe the whole game is the fantasy of a bored Princess.

Or maybe not, given the last hour or so of the game.

Aurora was ... depressing. Discovering why Walter is scared of the dark, and then seeing him break down because of how he's been blinded - not to mention being forced to abandon him in the desert - was heartbreaking. And finally, when you have to kill him.

Blessed Gods, when you have to kill Walter.

I beat Fable III, I cried, and I am not ashamed.