Got a Thing

Several things, actually.

Firstly, I got this thing!



It is a dragon egg-thing. Silly forum junk, but I figured it'd be less annoying than the other signature I have so yeah. /shrug.

Also I got a ton of mods for Minecraft and that is why I went MIA Friday.

I ... think I'll post more on that tomorrow. So tired. So very tired. @.<

Renaissance

So far the Ren Faire is pretty awesome, though I am neither a daytime person, nor used to so much fresh air, sunshine, and exercise. So sleepy.

Feet hurt. :(

Got to see the falcons hawks and owls again, took a picture with one. It's still great. Got a little figurine, painted my face up, got a mug and stuff. Wings are hard. :(

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I think we can honestly admit that the schedule is actually Tues-Weds-Fri where I occasionally post on Monday now and then.

/koff.

Sorry, Monday is one of my days off from my Real Job OMG, so I tend to not do anything worthwhile on Mondays.

This Monday, though, they released Dominion. So it's less that I didn't do anything worthwhile - I made a whole bunch of stays for the corset I'm helping to craft - and more that the entire day was spent pwning - and getting pwned by - noobs.

It was awesome.

What can I say about Dominion ... it's very, very fast paced. That's the main thing. Slower champions, champs that only have a good lane phase, and support are generally kinda boned in favor of A) Backdoorers like Shaco and Eve, B) TankyDPS (as always), C) Movespeed champions (lookin' at you, Janna/Rammus). Stealth gets a huge buff because of the Oracle's nerf/total absence of wards, making all stealth champions infinitely better than they were in TT (since most of them are also carries and very squishy besides), and SR, where everyone with a brain will buy pink wards and pinkeye to curbstomp stealthers. Plus, both Twitch and Evelynn need to do very, very well within their first three to six levels to accomplish anything in Summoner's Rift - in Dominion, the first four levels pretty much are given to everyone, with gold to match.

Everyone dies a lot, because the entire game is teamfights, skirmishes, and running around the map killing everybody else. A pro Rammus player will pretty much carry the entire game due to being essentially omnipresent.

Rather glad I've got a friend who plays a pro Rammus, though.

Because of the fast pace, games snowball pretty hard - even worse than Twisted Treeline, actually. If you start the game and someone disconnects, it's pretty much a given that you're going to lose. On the plus side, however, that means that the game is usually over one way or another in about twenty minutes - exactly how long games that snowball that badly take in Summoner's Rift before the other team surrenders, actually.

I do like the personal score feature - it lets you know who's actually contributing one way or another, providing you a little info as to what you actually did to earn personal score as you do it. For instance, capturing a point is +40 personal score, where you periodically get an additional +5 score when defending a point. The most amusing one to me so far is the 'martyr' points - I suspect it has something to do with dying while defending or supporting an ally, though I'm not really sure.

So far my favorite champion for Dominion is pretty much Singed, though I did pick up Janna, play her, and win all in the span of about thirty minutes total (including buying the champion.)

Favorite quote from Dominion so far: "Dominion has been out for less than a day and I've already forgotten what Summoner's Rift even is, lol."

(So tired, I stayed up until derp o'clock playing League of Legends.)

Fucking Hell

I'm running on three hours' sleep and a shitload of caffeine, I'm tired, my giant gaping wound on my cheek hurts (and it'll feel so much better when I go apply peroxide to it, I'm sure), people suck, circumstances suck, fuck everything.

Drew the Death card as my card of the day. lololololol.

What are we transitioning to, eh? What major change is coming? I'd like to know. Would you like to know? I'd like to know.

Honestly nothing's been especially stable since I started this glorified, publicized journal, just in various states of disarray.

My car broke down. Key won't turn in the ignition switch. Like, at all, either copy. It's just stuck. Which means we can't turn the car on. Already spent money on getting it towed to the repair shop. Going to spend more money one way or the other to get it repaired, assuming they get their heads out of their asses and actually diagnose the goddamn problem.

We had to leave the car in a Wal-Mart parking lot for a day and a half (and oh, walking home in all that heat with a fever of my own was so much fun don'tcha know) because it got to the store just fine but it failed at existence when we tried to go home. Which meant in practice that at 7 AM Monday morning, Mom was dragging my ass (that went to bed at 3) out of bed and into the other car, in order to get it towed and I've already covered this part so let me just say that 8 AM is not a civil hour to be awake at, and most of the local businesses that aren't the repair places agree with me; they weren't open until 10.

I bought myself a LoL card with my paycheck money, and a pair of shoes because my old ones basically fell apart the other day, too.

I'm goin' to bed six hours before I normally would because I'm dead fuckin' exhausted (like, think queasy, about-to-throw-up, dead-eyed, caffeine-crash exhausted) and I get to do something I've missed so much since getting my own car - wait no, there's a reason I wanted one. Fucking public transit. I don't like busses. They reek, they're noisy, and one of them was involved in my hasty departure from public education. Oh, and you have to get up even earlier than you normally would in order to get there on time - it'll be prolly an hour bus ride to get where I'm going.

And I don't even know if the old 10-ride pass still works.

Oh, and all of these pens are dead. What, am I exuding an entropy field today? Fuck my life.

(And I feel bad for bitching, because no matter how much it sucks, someone else has it worse.)

4:04 AM (Error)

Logic not found.

So, this is something that is slowly driving me nuts, and that is, logically, there is no significance to be associated with strings of identical numbers, especially date/time stamps. There just isn't, really. So why does the brain latch onto them? Why does that pop up everywhere as something of significance?

Well, like a lot of other answers given: most writers are human, and most readers are human. Human brains are hard-wired toward pattern recognition and the easiest, most obvious pattern is 11:11 11/11/'11 (which happens once or twice per time zone this year, incidentally, depending on if you use military time or not.)

I latch most often onto a string of 1s, if it was non-obvious. 3:33 too.

Short, thumb-typed post because I'm going to enjoy the weekend with a minimum of stress. Delicious holiday pay and rest. Monday is a normal day off for me but hey, getting paid for nothing is kind of awesome.

Money is also kind of awesome.

Oh, two things: one, is anyone else weirded out by M's description (the yellow hoodie mostly) cropping up in the latest Marble Hornets? I'm aware most of the Mythos regards MH as Not Real But Entertaining And Probably Ruined Your Life, while The Tutorial gets an Is Real And Should Be Your First Stop, but it's still creepy.

Two: expect some gushing in the non-distant future about both Rift and League of Legends. That'd be because they're how I'm currently passing my free time. (My otherwise empty work hours are sort-of dedicated to this cross-stitch pattern I'm working on.)

Lastly, why the title? That's when I started this post, silly! ... It's raining again.

Just Thinking In Text

Nothing Really Going On Upstairs

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Not Much To Say

Same crap different day.

Rift is a very fun game. I am pleased.

Don't really have a lot of time. Not a lot going on in my head right now. Security is apparently tightening up again.

Sleepy.

Leave you all with haiku.

Gold rains from the sky
In a very subtle plot
Coins cause concussions

Deceive everyone
With the new wardrobe feature
Mage in miniskirt

Death rains from above
Seeping in from foreign planes
The world in peril

"Hero"

Decided to poke through my phone's music player until I landed on something meaningful to write about (the Nom Nom Song being right out), and it landed on Nickelback's "Hero."

Fair 'nuff.

An' they say that a hero will save us, I'm not gonna stand here an' wait ....

So, herein we define hero.

• a man distinguished by exceptional courage and nobility and strength; "RAF pilots were the heroes of the Battle of Britain"
• the principal character in a play or movie or novel or poem
• champion: someone who fights for a cause
• Greek mathematician and inventor who devised a way to determine the area of a triangle and who described various mechanical devices (first century)
• (classical mythology) a being of great strength and courage celebrated for bold exploits; often the offspring of a mortal and a god
• (Greek mythology) priestess of Aphrodite who killed herself when her lover Leander drowned while trying to swim the Hellespont to see her
• bomber: a large sandwich made of a long crusty roll split lengthwise and filled with meats and cheese (and tomato and onion and lettuce and condiments); different names are used in different sections of the United States

According to Professor Google.

Huh, I lived on a Leander street once.

Why the hell should anybody wait for a hero? 'm sure it's great that they're marked by strength and courage and shit, but that doesn't mean other folk can't be courageous or strong. Lotta people're courageous 'n' strong 'n' ... yeah. This ain't workin'.

I'm aware. Typin' out a slur 'ssa habit from bein' all ... y'know. -ey.  Roleplay. That'n'. 'ssa good indication of being all ... unfocused. Fuzzy. Fuzzled. MR. FUZZEMS. (The terrible.)

So tired. Feel like I'm fuckin' drunk.

ANYWAY, yeah. Waitin' on a hero seems silly. Guilty pleasure here, I read romance books sometimes 'coz they're cheap, not too brainy, and often fun. Thing that pisses me the fuck off in those books is about half the time, the woman's some helpless incompetent bitch who can't even fuckin' tie her shoes without a MAN standing there helping her out. It's like ... half the reason I quit goin'a church, right? 'coz they wouldn't recognize a family that didn' have a man in it. I ain't got nothin' against men, y'know? Just, don't fucking tell me I need to have one. Fuck you an' your fuckin' "religion" bullshit keepin' good folk from doin' shit with themselves, 'coz they ain't chained to a goddamn bed.

'less they're inta that, y'know.

'n' the hero always gettin' mixed up with the protagonist. What'cha mean, the noble dragon's up there gettin' slaughtered by the wicked knight?

Honestly, though, most stories now days have their heroic sociopath bases covered.

... I think I'm pretty much 'onna have to cut this short t'say simply: Do what the fuck's right, and who gives a goddamn shit if it ain't appropriate or lawful or if you ain't the strongest or bravest person.

An' don't forget, if you do have a hero type person: they ain't fuckin' infallible. Nobody is.

Punch 'em in the fuckin' gut if they can't remember what "right" actually is.

Oh. And not every hero has t'die. There's that, too.

Reality

I want to get this off my metaphorical chest before anyone comes here for the wrong reasons:

I started this blog on a whim, with the off hope that I might scrounge up some additional cashflow while writing it. Hence the ads (which have become increasingly more depressing, I might add), and the donate button, especially.

This is not another ARG.

This is not a blog specifically started up to document the Slender Man wandering around my house being all spooky and demanding my twenty dollars (I don't even carry around cash ffs).

This is just me writing about whatever happens to be in my head, and yeah, the Mythos has kind of a way of embedding it in peoples' subconscious minds, but I am not writing about it because I want to be ... I don't know, linked somehow to it, leech off its fame, whatever. I'm writing about it because it happens to be there, and I can't really tell my subconscious mind to stop fucking with me.

I don't plan to lie to you about anything. There aren't any secret clues or mysteries to be found here. Sure, I'll omit things - leaving my exact location/name for privacy/security reasons, for example - but I'm not going to lie about anything and then pass it off as reality.

Even the backwards writing and the coughing is easily explained rationally: I've been able to write like that for ages, and it just struck me as the thing to do for that post. And, well, I'm allergic to this entire fucking state. I've always got a minor sinus infection of some sort going on.

This is just me writing about my boring life.

Now, that doesn't mean I plan on, I dunno, going out and telling other people to stop having fun with their ARG, or even to point out that it IS an ARG anywhere else. Hell, for all I know, having never met the people out there or the Man himself, it might well not be, which is a good thought for never sleeping again, now isn't it? Believe me when I say the uncertainty of that has ....

huh. I kind of got distracted reading comics and stuff and completely forgot where I was going with this.

I actually don't think any of that really needed to be said, but since I've got massive writer's block due to not ... really having a ton of stuff going on in my head, this'll have to do.

'Til Friday.

Being sick is really leeching my brainpower.

2/15/2011 EXPLODING QUIETLY

My thought patterns are a little bit disturbed right now.

If you want a normal happy blog you might want to check back Monday  

NEVER

HA HA HA

LONELINESS:

You are not alone.

And yet you are alone.

So very alone.

LONELINESS:

You are not alone.

And yet you are alone.

SO VERY ALONE.

SO

INSIGNIFICANT 

I hate

everything

There's a RINGING in my ears

I'm probably going deaf. 

You know you say that but you really do have good hearing. How else do you hear the noises in the walls when all else is quiet? 

The sensory tests ... that call the quality agent couldn't even hear words in, raising your hand because you heard a phone ring in the next room over despite noise-cancelling headphones, your night vision is remarkable. Writing normally, by GLOWSTICK. All four glasses tasted different. Hearing the high whine of an "off" TV. Perceiving that there are worlds on worlds of color.

Oh god.

That drawing.

Any kind of free thought is unsettling. Like that simple pencil drawing on black paper. You got an honorable mention for an hour's work.

 I hate everything.

I try not to think too much.

There is static in my EYES.

Usually I can at least outline the chaos

I bet you $20USD I can't read even half of this in the morning.

my head hurts

everything

hurts

Oh my god.

can we pretend (airplanes) = (shooting stars)?

                                     Getting Paid

                        Raspberry Cheesecake Cookies      BEAR!

Life is pretty good right now really, for me.  HAT! COOKIES!

  Think of 

HAPPY

THOUGHTS

Is this what going mad feels like?

If life is so good why can't I just focus on 

That?! 

I should try to make friends in real life.

Beneath the pleasant happy surface you are FUCKING INSANE

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Everything hurts

nanananananananaBATMAN

I feel so alone especially when there are a          I CAN SEE YOU

lot of people I can't talk to around.                        I CAN SEE YOU

OTHER PEOPLE CAN'T RELATE TO ME IRL.          I CAN SEE YOU

                                                                                 Noises in the walls.

I'M NOT             I          Darkest just before DAWN

PARALYZED     CAN'T     oh my god I think

BUT I SEEM       SEE       I'm actually going

TO BE STRUCK   ANYTHING     insane

BY YOU      So ALONE    can see you. "Going"?

So if it wears black clothing, dyes its hair black, is deathly pale, and cries a lot, is it a pathetic emo kid? I think it is. Stupid whiny bitch.
 99% of everything is SHIT                                                                           shutupshutup
So tense. Keep clenching my fist. And jaw.                  shutupshutup
              emphasize everything
Had a bit of a freak-out last night when I got home. Shaking and jittery.
"I'm having a panic attack!" Maybe it's the caffeine?
Is there anybody out there 'coz it's gettin' harder and harder to BREATHE.
Shaking cold                                trying to ... BUFFERING ... 
       BOOM                  .youarenotprepared.                  Dare you to read this.
ramming always works (with a bat)                     Assume it IS just    Then assume
                                                                                       an ARG               even one "Masky"
                                                                                                   takes it as srs as you do. Never sleep again.
If Mom died I'd fall apart. "Daddy" wonder what that's like. 

OHGODOHGODOH
GODOHGODOHGOD                         
OHGODOHGODOH                             Think of something else
                         GOD                          ANYTHING ELSE

Do you really think you could survive?
So when is the flood coming?


DON'T                The                  lol                f
NEED              rap has              plants          o
ANY              eaten my            grow              r   Red Robes
THING           Pandora    c        better           g         HANDS ARE SMALL
OR                   PAN         o             to             e          NOT YOURS
ANY                DOR         l         DEATH       t              MY OWN
ONE                     A         d         METAL       the              IDIOT
                        EAT YOU                               world        I hate you
OF                      Insignificant           what           More out of space than empty space
HIGHER       Little Blue Planet           am       Set the world on fire
PURPOSE                                              I?
       There is no one to answer.   Have always felt like I'm being watched
I don't feel safe.                 PARANOIA IS BAD OKAY. 
I don't feel safe in my house right now.            Shaking
I can see the light flickering every so often.         Cold            Automatic writing
I walked in tonight and I went straight for my sword.                        Shaking
                                          HANDS ARE SHAKING COLD              Cold

Sleeping with the light on again.
Blood red.
I DON'T FEEL SAFE

 MONSTER

INHUMAN 

YOU'RE NOT SPECIAL

YOU LIKE TO PRETEND YOU'RE SOMETHING SPECIAL BUT YOU'RE NOT
SELF-
IMPORTANT          YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL SO DAMN 
    FUCK 
EVERYTHING

Mom claims to have spoken to a psychic I never met who claimed that she was descended from some kind of red-robed ... folk. Powerful folk. But she's protected. BLOCKED. An angel guardian and an island of blissful ignorance. I am not protected. I don't think.
 I feel sometimes like there is something waiting beyond sight, waiting for me to drop my guard.

COLDCOLD
COLDCOLD
COLD
COLDCOLD
COLD

CAN'T SLEEP

So Cold

I think I'm really going mad.

CIV

So, Firday I purchased a new game to try to take my mind off of being so depressed/paranoid/sobbing ball of angst. That game was Civilization IV.

I think I've actually found something to do between digsites. Wow.

So the first thing you need to know about Civ that I didn't fully comprehend at first is that it's very, very long. Like, very. Like, by the time the day was out, I wasn't quite done with the game I'd started that morning.

This isn't the first or only game of its kind that I've played. I mean, Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri is one of the bigger reasons I plan to keep a computer with XP around for a while.

But yes. Civ. Long. There are no zerg.

That said, I had a bit of fun playing around with it.

At first.

Once I got over how long it took to even get my first other unit, I ran up against the fact that I pretty much had to shoot for the score victory, because the few cultures (read all) that had survived to the modern era didn't really like me well enough to vote for me (because they didn't like each other to tolerate me associating with all of them). Next time I play peacefully I'm tempted to see if I can strong-arm my opponents into starting up long, bloody wars to ostracize and murder the competition for me.

You know. Peacefully.

Alternatively, nukes.

The Space Race is another win condition I might be able to do peacefully, except for how long it takes to get there, which I am slowly shortening down to the lowest possible number.

I discovered something in pursuing the Space Race, too.

The AI? (On Chieftan difficulty?) Not really designed to operate in a void. I started up a new playthrough after my first attempt crashed to the desktop (damn you, Windows), remaining peaceful - and isolated, thanks to living on a tiny island. By the time the other cultures' feeble wooden ships skimmed near my shores, I was exploring nuclear technology - and defending myself against the possibility that, I dunno, maybe one of my own engineers would go nuts and bomb my own cities, maybe? None of the other cultures were even in a position to try to comprehend the technologies I was developing. I was in a position to dominate the world, and I was seriously contemplating crushing my opposition under the sheer force of my nuclear might because I could do so unopposed.

And I think I'm going to do that on my next playthrough.

Which brings me to something else that amuses me greatly: Mom brought up that throughout her listening to my discovery of new technologies, there was never the mention of any kind of witch burnings, nor even the Crusades or any kind of religious warfare. Despite the fact that my technology rapidly approached the 'indistinguishable from magic' point compared to my contemporaries, and I founded four separate religions on my tiny island.

Burn the witch! Before she BURNS YOU IN THE RIGHTEOUS NUCLEAR FIRE OF GOD!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - BOOM!

Sleepy Freewrite

21 Jan 2011
Sleepy Freewrite

I need more sleep than I'm getting
I am having so many problems focusing I need to make the computer read it to me while I read it with my eyes. LOLOLOLOLOL

Slendy ruins techno and makes the TV antenna's loss of signal more worrisome than it should ever be.

He hit me with his ||||||||.
That's cool  ._.

There is a numb spot on my leg. It itches.

I am running out of paper

An if ye harm none
ABOVE ALL ELSE HARM NONE

Tappa tappa tappa 40k songs guy has music in his mind and it is hard to ignore when it escapes

ONE BY ONE HIS SPOTS FELL OFF
( X )
Splendorman -> Slenderman

I wonder if you can see the Slender Man in any other way than film if you are not his intended victim.

If the Slender Man was real and he abducts children and he always appears on film why is He not in more proud parents' home videos?

IT'S SPLENDOR MAN!!! :D

I can hear the music someone else is listening to at the other end of the table and only just cannot make out the words; it is very LOUD.

Wanna sleep. By the time this is read I will have moved to an easier work schedule and my brain will be less mushy. I am so tired and it is hard to keep my eyes open.

I can see the reflection of the overhead lights and my hair in my glasses which is cool. I watch shadows and reflections as much as the real world.

Burning eyes are burning. TIRED AND COLD my eyes burn

Mtn. Dew: Because we as a society have become too lazy to spell out "Mountain." WTF.

"I before E except after C."
"Well, what about 'leisure' and 'seizure'?"
"Ah, |||| it."
English is the language that beats up other languages and takes their loose grammar.

Germ-X smells like dying germs.

THIS IS DRY READING.

So very bored in the brain I am so tired.

|||| you SLabs. Only one Labyrinth, but everybody calls it SLabs. Why is that? Because SLabs is a subsection of HELL where bad tanks go to DIE. |||| you SLabs.

"Where were you when the world stopped turnin'
on that September day?"
America is self-important.

I can smell food because someone has food and I am hungry ANGRY SIMLISH AND ARM WAVING MY MOODS ARE RED-LINING I HATE YOU SELF.

Mood swings, of a sort.

I want a nap.
I want a nap.
I want a nap.
I want a nap.
I want a nap.
I want a nap.
I want a nap.
I want a nap.
I want a nap.
I want a nap.
I am not allowed to sleep.

My hand has fallen asleep and when I twitch my fingers I can feel fizzy blood tingling in my wrist and palm and fingertips all the way up to my elbow. I punched my wall on accident and my finger started bleeding it still hurts I think I have a minor infection.

TRUE ART IS ANGSTY.  I CAN'T SLEEP JUST WANT A NAP TO SLEEP IS THAT SO BAD?

Isn't it nice to have a computer that will talk to you?

TRUE ART IS INCOMPREHENSIBLE AS IS THIS READING MY EYES HAVE GLAZED OVER IT ISN'T VERY HARD I JUST CAN'T FOCUS RIGHT NOW AT ALL.
There are still things to do
And it is important that I do them
The channel keeps changing in my head and I have no control over the remote I can't focus I can't focus I can't think I'm so tired I don't know anything why am I so tired?

I am also sick.

Less than three, OMG LOVE COMPUTER FANTASY
Out of space now KTHXBYE

MetaThought

Edit, March 2: How the hell did I miss the post title being misspelled?  Double-u-tea-eff, mate.

There's just no simple way to translate this all into printed text. Nonlinear thought tends to be difficult that way.

Just a simple free-write to get the creative juices running in a pseudo-productive way.

((Edit: Now with a textual translation!))

Metathought
Or: Thinking about thinking about thinking

It is sometime after six AM as I fold myself into my bed, heavy faux-fur blanket nearest to my skin and I think my bloodflow must be very poor as my feet are radiating cold.

No wonder they refused to put needles in me.

I want an orange/clementine
When I'm done writing

Visions are flashing into my head as I reminisce - my reoccuring dream and y'said
Falling / Falling

Too many connections
Tangential thoughts
Outlining words now to show their disconnect

Thoughts proceed in nonlinear fashion.
Bad enough it's noticed, problems with facilitating communications and tangential thoughts blocking coherent lines of reason
    ^ snorted off dead hookers
drugs < lines > thoughts
          clinics?

memes and movie quotes

Rule 34

More tired than I thought
Cycling back, old thoughts return
Stomach queasy
Sleep deprivation
I think in circles sometimes - FREE ASSOCIATION

she has her lucid periods, we're hoping to improve on them
- What use do we have for a psychic if she's insane?

Have to write it down
SUDDENLY BLOOD EVERYWHERE

Sleep, Interrupted (butterfly girl)

SLEEP Sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep.

I am an amalgamation of memes
No thought is original
There is a playlist of music in my brain. Tonal values, vowel sounds more than words.
I can't focus on my own words

If you are near to the dark I will tell you 'bout the sun
- But it does not mean a thing to you
- It's in you, not in me
-IT DOES NOT MUCH MATTER TO ME

Black sun, blue sun

Blood on a smiley face, Roar-Shock
Dogs _ A pretty butterfly

Bloody day.

NOT
REA
LLY.

Sleep, Killer.

Fragmented reality

COLD

thoughts > cocks > dickerdoodles > lol > 8==>

(|:D

I thought what I'd do was I'd pretend to be one of those deaf-mutes

Ghost in the shell - fragments of code

AI - I, Robot

ROBOT APOCALYPSE - > Lich King

Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot