Dragon Mage: Origins

Entry #1

My first night in the Circle Tower as a full mage. I finally understand why my - no, our - confinement is deemed necessary.

I still feel it. As though the demon hovers over me, waiting to seize control again no - not again, it was never ... my thoughts are my own, my mind is my own. I cannot sleep at all - worry I may never sleep again. In the darkness of my bath this evening, I imagined I could see its eyes above me, watching ... waiting. Waiting for my guard to slip even an inch.

Jowan was there, when I woke from my Harrowing. He wanted to know what it was like. He's been on edge for days now, and I suspect this didn't help any. He said he wanted to speak with me, said it was important. I can't imagine why, truly. He knows I cannot tell him of the Harrowing. Maybe it's his "secret lover." Ha. Jowan is my friend, but sometimes I think he gets jealous of me. How easily I take to magic, how the First Enchanter himself has taken an interest in my learning. I never knew my parents. Sometimes, I suspect Irving thinks of me as the daughter he never had. I'd like that, I think. He is like the father that I never had, as well.

Oh! Two odd things happened today, besides my Harrowing, that is. I nearly forgot.

There is a Gray Warden staying here at the Circle, a man named Duncan. He seems like a good and upright fellow. I think I expected him to be ... bigger.

Astride a Griffon, perhaps?

Also, there is a Templar here who seems to have taken a shine to me. Edgar ... Edwin? Cullen, anyway. A Templar and a mage ... how silly.

Best not dwell on it.

Surprisingly Not Dead

Still late, though. Sorry 'bout that. Look up and it's 6PM and realized I hadn't yet posted this.

AND THEN IT WAS TOMORROW.

Sooooo.

I'm a child of the modern, fear-mongering media. You know, the one that's happy to remind you, constantly, that not only are psychopaths real, but they look like anybody else, right up until they cut your skin off and wear it as a suit, all the while pretending to BE you.

At which point, they'll look kind of like YOU, not anybody else.

So, right, where was I going with this?

Ah, yes, the Mythos, because my brain has latched onto that like a starving man might latch onto a stripper covered in delicious cake.

Being, as I am, conditioned toward a certain level of mistrust for my fellow man (and wo-man), it should come as no surprise that the High Octane Nightmare and/or Paranoia Fuel that is the Slender Man has a special place in hell my heart, even if I dismiss the Man Himself as false.

Proxies.

Casual bystanders (read: the people who came here to find out how to leave Gilneas before the plot says you can (protip: you can't)) are probably going, "double-you-tea-eff, mate, what's a proxy?"

And I am an endless font of exposition.

Proxies are average (or not) people who've been brainwashed by Slendy to act for him - willingly or otherwise. In a sense, they are Slendy ... By proxy, hence the name.

See, even if there IS no Slender Man, that's terrifying to me.

For instance, say somebody takes the whole thing even a little bit more seriously than I do, and decides that not only are they being stalked, they're being Hallowed or whatever, and now they're brainwashed and crazy.

So of course the only logical thing to do is hunt down other Runners with a knife.

A) They succeed at the stabbing and the killing and the murder, and continue doing so until either they kill themselves or get arrested.

Or:

B) They fail, getting killed/injured by a Runner who takes it just as seriously as they do. Legal/moral/my god what have I done to follow. Same deal if it's just a prank getting out of hand, honestly, with even more "My God What Have I Done." Seasoned to taste, with just a hint of vanilla to cover up the stench. OF DEATH.

Horrifying, innit?

Hell, you could be a proxy.

I could be a proxy. I'm not, but you certainly don't know that.

Also I come off as creepy, I think.

Sometimes.

Note to Self

Do Not Taunt Cthulhu.

So, I mentioned a while back that I was going to purchase ( X ) contacts, and also that I work at a call center, right?

So, Wednesday I forked over the $170 to buy the contacts as a kind of joke/taunt, because apparently, I don't like life, or living, or continuing to not be dead/insane (perhaps one, then the other?)

Right, so I should also mention here that all calls at my call center are recorded. All of 'em.

So, finally, I set Slendy as my background pic on a whim, since the last person who had my computer was a massive XBox fanboy, specifically Halo, which I don't like enough to want to see every day. Still question the wisdom of that decision every time my screen saver goes batshit fucking insane while I'm out on a lunch break.

So, I come back from lunch on Friday, March 4, and I get pulled pretty much immediately to do a meeting.

When I get back to my desk, I find I've been logged out, so I log back in and take a call. About two minutes in, there's massive audio distortions in the phone line, followed by a disconnect.

This continues for the rest of the day, and for select computers even into today, Saturday, March 5.

Shortly after all this started?

The satelite radio sees fit to play: "I always feel like SOMEBODY'S WATCHIN' MEEEEEEE!" just for emphasis.

All I could manage was a kind of horrified giggle.

Now, I'm willing to chalk this up to the phone people being there and fucking around.

But still.

Creepy ass coincidences freaked me out.

Still no Slender Man SIGHTINGS in Iowa though~

Foreboding

The other night, I had the oddest sense of foreboding.

It was dark, of course, since I leave work after sunset.

The parking lot was mostly empty, and I park a ways away from the entrance to the building. Every sense was straining for some kind of movement, some anomaly. I felt a little like I was being watched, but there was nothing there. No one.

Of course now I pay more attention than is really reasonable to the distant tree-line.

Fucking trees are everywhere. 

When I got home, the whole neighborhood was empty. No cars parked in front of my neighbors' houses. Trees remain abundant, like tall people with black arms stretched up toward the sky. It's a midwestern suburb. Of course there are trees everywhere.

The neighbors probably just had somewhere else to be.

Which, you know, never happens really.

But whichever.

It was just so ... quiet. Eerie. So I fished around in my purse to find this thick chain necklace (think: necklace made of chain mail) I keep because hell, getting hit with it hurts, and it draws less attention than anything else I could have on me. I don't think 'jewelry' properly qualifies for weaponry, but hey, if I can make a potential intruder disagree, I've done a good job. No? Plus it looks pretty cool.

Nudged the door open with my foot, turned on the light - that humanish figure I was seeing is just Mom's mannequin. I knew that. Grab my sword. Poke around a bit, make sure there's nothing to find.

Don't really have the courage to check the upstairs alone.

Decide I'm really alone.

Jump out of my skin when Mom opens the door.

There was nobody here.

I'm feeling kind of silly right now.

You know?

Oh. Friday's post is going to be a bit ... odd.

Comforting Thoughts for Restful Sleep

Even if the Slender Man were to turn up, I'd never know it: I get sick a lot anyway, it is balls cold up here all the time in the winter, and I tend to avoid cameras of any shape, size, or description (I'm not precisely proud of my appearance).

I'm also a very boring person in real life. Seriously. I go to work, I come home, I play World of Warcraft, and sometimes I watch movies and listen to music. I'd probably bore the hell out of any real-life stalker, supernatural or not.

Also, after getting over the initial shock of someone with no face and tentacles getting into my house past the locks and burglar alarm, and after possibly attempting to bludgeon it to death, I'd likely be more curious than afraid, and more interested in opening some kind of dialogue than fleeing for my life. (How does his/its Alien Geometries work? How does it see without a face? How does it laugh without a mouth - or does it? Can I learn to be a supernatural ninja?)

Finally, I am a very oblivious person, so I'd totally end up not noticing I was being stalked, anyway.

Despite all this, it's probably apparent that paranoia is a persistent problem for me.

And I'm developing a bit of a cough ....

I__See__You

I did not piss off a creepy camera deity.

I slept with my light on last night, and it kept me awake a bit - but I couldn't have gotten to sleep at all without it.

This morning, I am thoroughly exhausted. I kept drifting off, only to jerk awake long enough to make sure I was really alone in my room, seriously. I remember groaning because I saw the alarm clock at 4am.

I want to take a nap.

So, what I've learned from this. I should not watch Paranoia Fuel videos before bed.

Like ever.